


Through Love, War, and Back Again

by definitelynotcanon (orphan_account)



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23734780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/definitelynotcanon
Summary: Loki navigates the highs and lows of loving a mortal after the Battle of New York.
Relationships: Loki x OC, Tom Hiddleston/Loki/Original Female Character(s), loki x original character
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

The auburn haired girl standing in line behind Loki lightly tapped him on the arm, and Loki turned to glare at the midgardian who'd touched him. What he saw was a young woman with gorgeous hair and the prettiest green eyes he'd ever seen- and his scowl quickly shifted into an expression of pleasant surprise.  
The woman's voice was soft and smooth as she introduced herself to the demigod. "Hi! I'm Isla. I don't think I've seen you in here before. Is this your first time coming here?"  
Loki remarked to himself what a beautiful name that was as he glanced at his surroundings for a moment. The coffee shop line was backed up almost all the way to the door, and Loki was about five people away from ordering.  
With that being said, the person in front finished placing their order and the line shifted up. Loki took a few steps forward before turning and looking at Isla again.  
"You could say that. I'm Loki."  
She held her hand out for him to shake with a bright smile on her face and for some reason it made Loki feel all warm inside.  
He shook her hand with a questioning look on his face, waiting for the moment when she recognized who she was and his relation to a certain god of thunder. The look of realization, however, never came.  
"It's nice to meet you, Loki."  
A sense of relief washed over him, guessing that she had probably never heard of him or his brother. He decided that it would be nice to know someone that wouldn't know him for his actions in the battle of New York, or (possibly worse) who his brother is.  
He flashed her a smile before he moved further up in line, saying, "Likewise."  
Isla couldn't keep her gaze from Loki's back as the line started to steadily move forward. (Let's be honest here, Isla is definitely thirsty for Loki- and so are we all)  
As the person in front of Loki put in his order, Loki turned to Isla and asked her what she was getting.  
"I'm not sure what I want yet." He added, seeing Isla's confusion.  
"Oh, well I'm going to get a small caramel macchiato. It's my usual."  
He gave her a grateful smile and then turned to put in his order.  
"Two small caramel macchiatos? Please."  
Loki added the 'magic word', for some reason caring what Isla thought of him- and his manners. It felt odd coming from his lips but maybe, just maybe, he could get used to it.  
When Loki was finished ordering, he stepped to the side and Isla went to move forward. Loki placed a tentative hand on her elbow and gave a gentle tug, moving her out of the line.  
"I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of ordering for you."  
Isla smiled bashfully and said, "Thank you. You really didn't have to do that."  
The two of them seemed to realize that Loki's hand was still resting on Isla's arm at the same moment and there was a lingering look (like in rom-coms, you know- the one) exchanged between them.  
There was something stirring in what seemed like Loki's soul as he reluctantly moved his hand back to his side.  
"Are you from New York, or..?" Isla's sounded sweet and friendly as she asked the question, and Loki had to take a deep breath when he realized he was reveling in the sound of her voice.  
"No, I'm not from the country actually."  
It took everything Loki had not to close his eyes the next time Isla spoke.  
"Oh, really? I've been traveling and out of the country for the last six months, and I'm still trying to get settled in."  
That explained why she hadn't heard of him or his brother, and probably not even the battle of New York.  
"I was up sort of late last night so I desperately needed coffee."  
She laughed at the end, and the sound was light and airy, reminiscent of an Asgardian lullaby.  
"Two caramel macchiatos!" A barista overly enthusiastically chirped the order as it was put out, and for once Loki didn't have the urge to roll his eyes.  
He held a hand out in a 'you first' motion and picked up his coffee just after Isla had gotten hers.  
"Would you mind waiting just a moment, please?" Isla had a contradictory hopeful-yet-apprehensive look on her face, and Loki nodded slowly in confusion. The auburn haired girl pulled a pen from her purse and grabbed a napkin, writing a string of numbers down with a little heart right after them.  
Isla held out the napkin towards Loki and his fingers grazed hers as he accepted it. "That's my telephone number." Not wanting to seem too desperate, she quickly added, "I'd like to repay you somehow."  
Loki's lips curled into a smile and Isla felt all warm inside at the sight of it. "Although that isn't necessary, I am grateful for the thought. Until next time, Isla."  
As Loki went through the coffee shop door, thinking all the while about acquiring a cell phone, Isla watched his departing figure through the window with a quickly beating heart. The delicious sound of her name coming from his lips echoed in her mind, and although a smile graced her face, something deep inside Isla told her she was in trouble.


	2. Pt 2

After that day at the coffee shop, Loki and Isla talked or met everyday. The shared feelings between Loki and Isla blossomed into a relationship, and Isla couldn't think of a happier way to spend her free time than just being with Loki.  
To say that Loki had changed would be a stretch, but there were some things that were different since he and Isla started dating. He began to want to tell Isla things about himself, and worse, felt that he should tell her those things. Glancing at her, he felt that he should tell her who he was now in case she didn't handle it well. He thought that it would hurt less now if she rejected him than later.  
As they walked through the park, hand in hand, Loki summoned all of the courage within him and began speaking.  
"Isla, I need to tell you something, and I don't know how you'll take it but.. it has to be said."  
Isla looked concernedly up at Loki and held his hand a little tighter. "What is it, Loki?"  
Loki took a deep breath before saying, "When I told you I wasn't from New York, I wasn't lying but I didn't tell you the whole truth. I'm not from this planet- I'm from a place called Asgard where my brother, Thor, and I are heirs to the throne. Thor is the god of thunder and lightning, and I am the god of mischief." He paused and looked over at Isla's face, waiting for her reaction. She seemed to be taking it well.  
"I knew there was something different about you since the moment we met." Her voice was soft and her words encouraged him to tell her more.  
"My adoptive father, Odin, holds the throne of Asgard. He 'rescued' me when I was a baby from my birthplace, Jotunheim, where I was to be rightful king. The people of Jotunheim are... frost giants, and I am one as well."  
Isla was silent for a long time, and Loki was afraid of what might be running through her mind. Then at last she peered up at Loki and said, "I'm sorry, it's just a lot to process-"  
She suddenly stopped walking and Loki turned anxiously to look at her.  
She looked him over from his toes to his head and said confusedly, "You don't look like a giant."  
Despite himself, Loki laughed. "I'm on the smaller side, but I assure you that I am a frost giant."  
Isla thought herself crazy as she said softly, "I'm glad you're smaller. I can still do this." And she reached up on the tips of her toes and kissed him quickly and sweetly. The kiss may not have been long, but it was Isla's way of telling him that she liked Loki for himself, and that what he was wouldn't be an issue for her.  
They continued their walk through the park, remaining hand in hand.  
Loki interrupted the peaceful silence after a few minutes to say, "There's something else I'd like to tell you. I never quite felt good enough for Odin. In fact, I felt rather inferior anytime Thor was around. Everyone favored Thor out of the two of us, and I was always cast in his shadow. And when I learned of my Jotun lineage, I.. well, I felt like a monster. I was filled with anger and despair, not knowing who I really was. And.. I've done a lot of things that I shouldn't have."  
After a long pause, Loki continued, "I apologize, that was-"  
"Something that I'm really glad you shared with me." Isla cut him off, giving him a soft smile.  
"You are?" Isla kept surprising Loki, and in the best possible ways.  
"Yes, I am. You were genuine and honest so thank you. As for the things you shouldn't have done, I don't want to know a thing about them, because no one should define themselves by what they've done in the past."  
Relief filled Loki at Isla's words, yet deep down he knew that she wouldn't say that if she knew what he'd done.  
Loki pulled Isla into an embrace and held her while whispering into her ear, "Thank you."  
Isla rubbed his back in a comforting way and Loki closed his eyes, wanting to remember everything about this moment: Isla's closeness, the things she made him feel, the understanding and compassion he had longed for..  
Loki savored the moment while he could, not wanting to dwell on his knowledge that it couldn't and wouldn't last.


	3. Pt 3

The thing about hiding something from someone is that the truth usually comes out sooner or later. Thor's advice to his brother was for Loki to tell Isla about the Battle of New York before she found out about it another way.  
Loki knew that it was probably the right thing to do, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her. He cared too much for Isla to be the reason she slipped through his fingers. The two of them grew a little closer everyday, yet Loki kept the Battle of New York to himself, skipping over that subject during every deep conversation they had. Loki and Isla even moved in together, with Thor making an unannounced appearance every once in a while.  
All through the relationship Loki kept Isla in the dark, and now he couldn't tell her the truth even if he wanted to.  
Taking one look at Isla standing in front of him now (she was pale yet fuming), Loki knew that she'd found out the very thing he didn't want her to.  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice reflected the anger and hurt simmering inside of her.  
She kept her distance, making sure not to come any further in to the living room than the doorway.  
Loki slowly stood from his perch on the couch, softly saying, "How did you find out?"  
"I overheard someone talking about it today at work. I know that you led the attack- and that many people died. So, answer my question- why didn't you tell me?!"  
Loki sighed. "I didn't want you to see me any differently because- because of the choices I made. And you said you didn't want to know anything about what I had done in the past."  
Isla crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. "So you were just going to hide the fact that you've literally murdered innocent people?"  
Loki turned so she wouldn't see the pain in his eyes and said, "You're just like all the others- you.. you don't understand."  
Isla threw up her hands in frustration before moving a bit closer to Loki. "No, I don't understand why you killed all of those people. I can't believe you- you're..."  
Loki quickly turned toward her, closing the distance between them and saying, "Say it. Go on, say it."  
Isla paused, letting out a shaky breath before she said the words that Loki had been dreading since the beginning.  
"You're a monster."  
Loki's heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest, hearing the woman he loved say the very thing that he'd kept reminding himself.  
All of his walls came back up when Isla spoke those words, and Loki turned his pain into rage out of habit.  
It was then that Thor slipped in unnoticed, witnessing what happened next.  
A dagger appeared in Loki's hand and Isla looked down at it before meeting Loki's fiery gaze once again.  
"If I'm a monster, how are you so sure that I won't kill you?" Loki's voice wavered, the only sign of vulnerability that Isla could see.  
Isla showed no fear, her intense gaze letting Loki know that he couldn't scare her. Despite his track record, deep down inside, Isla knew that Loki would never ever hurt her.  
"I just know that you won't."  
Loki's eyes widened in surprise and the dagger vanished. There was an audible sigh of relief and Loki turned his head towards the sound, seeing his brother.  
Loki looked back to Isla and guilt poured in like a flood.  
"I-I'm sorry." And he really was. For everything.  
When Isla blinked, Loki was gone.  
His disappearance left Isla feeling uneasy. She bit her lip and looked to Thor.  
"Why did he do it? The attack on New York?"  
Thor's voice was softer and lower than usual, saying, "I think there were two sides of him battling each other, and the darker side won. It didn't help that my brother doesn't quite know how to handle his emotions."  
Thor briefly patted Isla's shoulder as he passed, leaving her alone with her thoughts.  
Loki had went to the place he usually goes when trying to clear his mind: the top of the Empire State Building. Looking out at all of the buildings and the people usually helped calm the storm that tends to rage inside of him, yet Loki couldn't keep the dangerous thoughts from clouding his mind.  
You really are a monster. She was the only one who really cared, and now you've scared her away.  
As soon as that last word was thought, even nastier ones formed.  
Surely she never really cared about you, how could she? I'm sure she never cared. And she never will now.  
She's gone and you'll never be able to get the one good thing in your life back. You're a monster.  
He looked at his hands, which curled into fists as that one word repeated over and over again in his mind. Monstermonstermonstermonstermonstermonstermonstermonstermonster.  
Loki ran his hands over his face as tears began to fall, and he struggled to fight back the tears and compose himself.  
After what seemed like years, Loki's tears dried and, bracing himself, he took a deep breath. The next moment he was back in the apartment and dreading the inevitable goodbye.  
As soon as Isla laid eyes on Loki, she froze almost as if she were rooted in place.  
Loki walked slowly towards her, stepping from the living room to the kitchen. He began to reach out before quickly bringing his arms back to his sides, not wanting to frighten her any further.  
The thing was that Isla wasn't afraid of him, not in the slightest. That was what scared her.  
Isla made the craziest decision she'd ever made in her life. As she took in Loki's tear stained eyes, Isla crossed the distance between them and took him in her arms.  
Loki's face pressed against her neck, and his tentative hands found her lower back.  
"I'm so sorry." His whisper was muffled but Isla understood. He was apologizing for everything, the weight of his mistakes being lifted as he uttered those words.  
"I'm sorry, too."  
Loki couldn't believe what she just said, and he pulled back a bit to look into her eyes.  
"I.. I judged you for something you did in the past without understanding why you did it. There's never a good enough reason for murder, and I'm not excusing what you did, but.. you regret it and I have no right to hold it against you. You do regret the attack, right?"  
Loki hastily nodded, eyes widened in surprise. "There are no excuses for what I've done. And I understand if you can't forgive me."  
Isla quickly said, "I forgive you for not telling me, Loki. Just.. don't leave me again, okay?" There were tears welling in her eyes, and this time Loki pulled Isla into him.  
"I could never."  
As he felt the warmth of her body against his, Loki was sure that wherever Isla was was where he belonged. And as Loki gripped her tighter, he knew that he was never, ever letting go.


End file.
